Debt Free is the Way to Be!

My mommy always taught me never to discuss finances with anyone other than my husband or a professional (banker-type), but I have to get it out somewhere.
We filed our taxes last night, and in 11 days we will be (for all intents and purposes) DEBT FREE. No more car payment. No more loan. No more credit cards. We'll still have his student loans, but really, $60 a month @ 2% interest... yeah I think we can handle that.
It just feels so good to be able to build a savings account again, to put money into our kids' college funds, and GASP! Buy a HOUSE!!! Yippee!
We've worked for 4 years for this, and its finally coming together! Now we're on a budget because we want to be, because we want to save money; not because we're broke and living paycheck to paycheck. This feels right. This feels good :)

It is what it is

I love how people sit there and bitch moan and complain about being an afterthought to their friends; yet when you try to be that friend who thinks about them you get ignored yourself. Did that sentence even make sense?
For real, I feel like I'm wasting my time. If you don't like being the afterthought, don't make your friends an afterthought, kay? I think I'm going to take a break from FB. People can contact me on my cell if they really want to. FB makes it too easy to half ass a friendship.

Not to sound totally bitchy, but I think I'm just going to stick with my close circle for a while. I feel like theres a lot of judgment from other places, and even though that could very well just be in my head I just want to get a handle on things and get my life in order. If I can be satisfied with myself, then I won't care quite so much about what other people think. I guess I'm also getting a little annoyed when I start a project, then someone else will start one very similar to mine, and a whole bunch of people jump on the other person's bandwagon saying "omg so awesome that you're doing that, you're so great, etc etc". I'm really not looking for that kind of recognition for myself, but its really frustrating nonetheless! (and no I'm not upset at all with the people who start the projects that are like mine, more irritated with the audience I guess you'd call it?)

In other news I suppose, B had her follow up appointment yesterday and was given the tentative diagnosis of croup, but was also given an Albuterol inhaler "just in case". Kind of scary knowing that my daughter has an inhaler, but I'm hoping to never have to use it.
Liam is scheduled for surgery on Tuesday, and yes I'm still wicked nervous. Minor procedure or not, they're putting him under and I cannot wait until its over and he's up and playing again.

Also starting on Monday, I get to start watching Lexi :) I'm excited for it because I know she and Liam need the interaction on a regular basis, and I think its going to be incredibly good for them. She's such a sweet girl too, even holds my hand out in public (when her mom is right there, lol). Starting the Monday after Liam's surgery, I'm going to start doing preschool lessons with the kids and *hopefully* focusing on potty training for both kids. We'll see how surgery and recovery goes first though.

Coffee: Nectar of the Gods

I most certainly agree with that statement! I don't know how I would function without my morning Java; especially on days like today (the ironic moment of the morning: as I was typing that sentence, a notification popped up on my desktop for a Java update. Love how the universe works sometimes!).

Last night was brutal. Plain and simple. B is/was so congested, so miserable, that in order to allow my husband some sleep (you know, since he's the one at work all day) I gave her some Tylenol and we slept on the couch from about 2am onward. "Slept" is being rather generous though, considering the circumstances. Her fever broke around 5, she tossed and turned a bit in my arms until around 7. Thats when Liam and Sean both woke up and came out.
For someone who got no rest last night, she sure is perky! If it weren't for the huge bags under her eyes and runny nose, I think even I would doubt that last night happened the way it did. I've got my fingers crossed that she'll take a nap when Liam does.... that is if he naps at all : /
As for Liam, he's bright eyed, bushy tailed, and up to no good. Its barely 9 am, he's already swung the magnadoodle at my head, flicked his sister in the cheek, chased the cat, and jumped on the dog.
Good thing he's cute, because its going to be a long day.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture

So I'd like to personally hang the bastard responsible for teaching my children how to use it as a weapon!
Liam is teething (again) and this time its a battle with his molars. One will manage to break through, and then his gums say "Oh hell no" and suck it back under. Repeat other side. Poor guy is miserable, moans and groans in his "sleep", and to top it off I can't give him Motrin until after his surgery next week. We have infant's Tylenol on hand, but I really don't like giving Tylenol on a regular basis.
Then, our little princess. The Diva of the family (and yes I meant to capitalize that). Wants to be held 100% of the time... by me. She wants to nurse all night and all day, and when the nipple comes out of her mouth she screams. Bad enough to deal with that during the day, but at night its truly brutal. I don't think that there is enough coffee to make this headache go away either.
Anywho, thats enough complaining from me. Time to suck it up, take a motrin, and get on with my day.
I'm giving myself a pep talk so that I'll actually get my workout done today (between loads of laundry and batches of granola bars); and renewing my affirmation to keep up with my food journal. Time to practice what I preach!
20 lbs to go, only 14 weeks to do it.

Denial.

Its a river in Egypt, not an acceptable state of being.
Time for me to man up, suck it up, and quit making excuses.
Yes, I have a problem with food. My problem is that I like to eat too much of it! I stress eat, and then I belittle myself for doing it, which causes me to eat more. I've overcome this before, and I will overcome it again.

I will no longer be stuck on this plateau; I will no longer be lazy, or make excuses for my behavior. I know how to fix this. I've made a living helping others fix this. So right now my client is myself. I cannot expect to be accountable to anyone other than myself, I cannot blame anyone other than myself, and I cannot expect anyone else to fix my problem.

I will lose 5 lbs in the next 2 weeks. My overall goal isn't about weight, its about feeling and looking good. I do have 5 lbs to lose however (more like 5x4, but whatever) so buckling down and losing those first 5 is a good step.

I will take my multi vitamin every day.
I will get at least 20 minutes of treadmill time in per day.
I will lift 3 days a week, run 3 days a week, and take one day off for a true rest day.

I will increase my protein consumption, decrease my carb and fat consumption.
I will take care of myself, both inside and out.
I will take some time and turn inwards, so that I can be around long enough to take care of others.

Independence, Confidence, and Seeking Approval

I've always been an independent person. Always. Somehow, being almost 26 years old with 2 kids, a husband, and a cross country move under my belt; I find myself constantly seeking others' approval. Even from people that I have never met. What the crap?
I'm a good mother, I'm a great wife, and I'm a decent human being. Those are 3 facts that I am sure of. So why do I care so much about how others see me? I try not to complain about life, more specifically the stressful things in my life; private matters should stay private. But I admit, there's a green monster inside that wants the recognition from other people. Some dark part of me wants other people to say "hey, you work hard, you do a good job, and you deserve a break from time to time". But I feel like I don't get that, and I won't get that because I don't make my a lot of my personal business public.
I can't say that from here on out I'm not going to seek others' approval, but I can say that its time to stifle that green monster, and maybe she'll shrink back into the shadows where she belongs.
Its time for my confidence in myself to reappear, and grow, and help set an example for my son and my daughter. If I'm going to be successful its going to be on my own merits, my accomplishments; and not on the ata-boys that I don't see myself ever getting.
I'm going to tap the well of self-reliance that I've always had deep down inside, and I'm going to ultimately drown that green monster along with the creatures named "self doubt", "self pity", and most importantly "I can't". Damn it, I can and I will.

On a much more positive note, for those of you who've been keeping up with my ups and downs; my mom and I have had some amazingly positive conversations, and I'm very very hopeful that we're getting back a relationship that is better and stronger than it was before. Love you Mom!

For lack of a witty title: Here's an update

So many things are up in the air now. I hate this feeling of not knowing which way is up. Hopefully he can talk to his higher-ups today and get us some answers and some direction. Chances are he's not going to be happy with the answers he gets, but to some degree at least we'll know whats up. Its frustrating knowing that he's not your average sailor, he wants to do his part, to be part of a combat group; but because no one else has certain skills, he's possibly going to be left behind. Its just as insulting as it is complimentary. Whatever happens, I hope he aces his Chief's exam, gets picked up for LDO, and gets a command that he's satisfied with. As it stands right now, he's not happy and that sucks.
In other news, mom still isn't talking to me. I was getting random text messages, now its just silence. I gave her Liam's surgery date, and there was no response. I guess I just need to let it go. Doesn't look like we're ever going to get our relationship back, and that really makes me sad. I was wanting to plan my "secret" trip to CA, to visit and to clear out all of my belongings that are still hanging around her house; now I'm almost wondering if it would just be better to tell her to donate the lot and save the money on the trip. I miss everyone terribly, but I don't see the point if its just going to be miserable.
On the positive side, I was finally able to finish my PT cert. I'm finally legal to train again and start my business up the right way. I still have that monster business plan to complete, along with all of my other legal crud; AND I have 2 more certs to finish so that I can hold the "Elite Trainer" title from ISSA. Once those are done, its back to the traditional schools to finish my BS so that I can work on achieving "Master Trainer" status. I'm still hoping to eventually make a living off of writing, so I'm getting my practice in now by keeping the new blog (Raising My Family - Naturally), my fitness forum (the Fit Military Family - www.milfitfamily.forumotion.com), and hopefully some more writing projects in the future. For now I'm just trying to keep my sanity while cuddling my babies, loving my husband, and taking each day one step at a time.

New Projects for the New Year

Inspired by my post "Gone Rogue", I've started a second blog dedicated to the changes that we're making here at home. If its something that interests anyone, you can find it here.

This is why I don't trust them.

This is why I don't blindly trust the government.

http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/Health/story?id=708780

State Secret: Thousands Secretly Sterilized

 Beneath the surface of this Southern town, with its lush evergreens and winding riverbanks, is a largely forgotten legacy of pain, secrecy and human indignity. "My heart still bleeds, and it will forever bleed, because of what had happened to me," local resident Elaine Riddick said. Riddick was one of thousands of people secretly sterilized by the state between 1929 and 1974.From the early 1900s to the 1970s, some 65,000 men and women were sterilized in this country, many without their knowledge, as part of a government eugenics program to keep so-called undesirables from reproducing."The procedures that were done here were done to poor folks," said Steven Selden, professor at the University of Maryland. "They were thought to be poor because they had bad genes or bad inheritance, if you will. And so they would be the focus of the sterilization."

Sterilized Without Her Knowledge

Riddick was raped and became pregnant at the age of 13. Social workers labeled her promiscuous and too feeble-minded to ever be a responsible parent. So, after giving birth in 1968, Riddick was sterilized without being told. She learned the truth years later, when she married and tried to have more children."They took so much away from me," Riddick said. "They took away my spirit and my soul."North Carolina sterilized close to 8,000 women in hospitals across the state.Even though the practice ended more than 30 years ago, some say the time has come to make amends. North Carolina was one of the first states out of 33 that once practiced sterilization to offer an apology. State Rep. Larry Womble is crafting a bill to provide financial reparations.Some wonder where the state will get the money. "They say, 'Well, we can't afford it,' " said Womble, a Democrat. "Well, we cannot not afford it." Riddick went on to earn a college degree and raise the son she had at 14. He now is an engineering consultant."I thank you, God, for giving me my child," she said.

ABC News' Keith Garvin originally reported this story for "World News Tonight" on April 23, 2005.

I'm sorry, but you cannot tell me that a mere forty years later our government is completely on the up and up. I'm not a conspiracy theorist by any means, but when you take into consideration this article/topic plus the fact that we tested cures for syphilis on our own people and on prisoners after INFECTING them with the disease in the first place... (link and link) there will always be doubt in my mind. No one has my kids' best interest in mind more so than their father and I; certainly not a government that succumbs to the highest bidder.

Gone Rogue

Well, we're making the leap. We've changed our diets (I should say our lifestyle, really), and are switching to all natural foods with no preservatives. No more junk going into my kids' bellies. No more ammonia washed beef. No more chemicals where there shouldn't be chemicals. And that goes for more than just food.

Our children will no longer be receiving immunizations; at least not until Sean and I do the research. We're not going to just offer up our kids because we're told to. Give me convincing research as to WHY my kids will be better off vaccinated. No more nonsense, we are no longer "sheep" just following the herd.

We have been using cloth diapers for the better part of 6 months now, and have no intentions of switching back. Its better for Liam's skin, its better for the environment, and its better for our bank account. And no, I don't have any more time than any other mother out there (whether they work outside of the home or not). If you have the urge to imply that I sit on my ass all day, don't let the door hit you on the way out. Kay?

We are putting in our organic garden this spring. The produce that is available in stores (that doesn't cost an arm and a leg) is seriously lacking! Squishy when it should be firm, covered in wax, and very little flavor. I can only imagine that it is also seriously lacking in nutrients as well. Neither Sean or I believes in pesticides, and as long as we plant enough to allow the critters their share... no harm no foul.

I'm really looking forward to cutting our grocery bill down, to only getting the things that we can't make (eggs and milk especially, since I can't stand cattle and Sean hates chickens); and since we'd have so much less to buy we'd be able to purchase it at a whole foods market instead of the local Kroger or Food Lion. Truly organic foods are expensive and its sad.

I'm hoping that Jessica (King) ends up making different soaps, and perhaps she and I can institute some sort of trade (hint hint Jess) so that we can both benefit.
Anyway, I have homemade banana bread in the oven that needs attention. I'll definitely be keeping this updated.