I have been (and probably will be continuing to be) in hiding; I needed a bit of a break from social media. I'm fine, I promise, we had a really rough week in the Kelly household and we need some time to recouperate. If you don't find me on here or FB, that's why.
<3 LK
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Laying it out part dos
So, now that the trauma drama has been addressed (for the last darn time), here's what really matters in my life:
Sean took the Chief's exam this year for the first time (for LDO purposes) and.... passed AND made board (actually is board eligible, since he can't technically make board until next year). So, now he gets to put in his package and hopefully get commissioned next year. Even if he doesn't get picked up, I'm insanely proud of him. He's smart, he's hard working, and he's an honestly good man. I don't think I tell him that enough.
Brigid is crawling now, and thats bitter sweet for me. She's been doing the inch worm thing, and on Monday? I think was, she crawled half way down the hallway on her hands and knees. Soon, she'll be running just like her big brother <3 She's still super clingy to me, which while I can appreciate that she loves me and that she needs me... she needs to bond more with her dad. He put her to bed last night, and she didn't like it one bit. Have to admit, it hurt my heart a little, but I think I did ok. She's a little more cuddly than usual today, but she'll get better.
Speaking of my blonde haired ball of perpetual energy... he's amazing. He's speaking in full sentences, he's running, jumping, climbing, hiding (lol)... and is currently wearing my deoderant. Don't ask, it was either I put it on him properly or I have holes dug into my anti-stink stuff from his fingernails (and I can't guarantee that he wouldn't eat it either).
As for me, I'm doing much much better. I went through a bit of a rough patch. I admit, I was depressed. I wanted to do nothing but sleep (and B is a great excuse btw), I binge ate, I drank soda excessively, and alcohol every night. I didn't get drunk, but anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a drinker. So then Lent started, I gave up caffeine and alcohol. No soda, no coffee, and no booze for me. I'm thinking the booze might be gone for good, because I really don't miss it. Coffee, I miss. Very much. Though I have found a love for blueberry tea. Drizzle a little raw honey into it... mmmmmm bliss
So, yeah back to my little tropical depression. I made a choice. I decided that I needed help, and not of the chemical variety, so I joined Weight Watchers. Online only, I know that I can't commit to a meeting (especially since I don't have a vehicle here at home all the time). I lost 4 lbs the first week, maintained the second, and have lost another pound so far. We'll see on Sunday what this week did for me. So far, its just the kick in the butt that I needed. I actually got up this morning and worked out with Sean. We've been super lazy lately, and not done our morning routine. I'm hoping that this continues because as much as it hurts, it hurts so good.
I'm also starting my studying again today. Fitness and Nutrition, its on!!!
Sean took the Chief's exam this year for the first time (for LDO purposes) and.... passed AND made board (actually is board eligible, since he can't technically make board until next year). So, now he gets to put in his package and hopefully get commissioned next year. Even if he doesn't get picked up, I'm insanely proud of him. He's smart, he's hard working, and he's an honestly good man. I don't think I tell him that enough.
Brigid is crawling now, and thats bitter sweet for me. She's been doing the inch worm thing, and on Monday? I think was, she crawled half way down the hallway on her hands and knees. Soon, she'll be running just like her big brother <3 She's still super clingy to me, which while I can appreciate that she loves me and that she needs me... she needs to bond more with her dad. He put her to bed last night, and she didn't like it one bit. Have to admit, it hurt my heart a little, but I think I did ok. She's a little more cuddly than usual today, but she'll get better.
Speaking of my blonde haired ball of perpetual energy... he's amazing. He's speaking in full sentences, he's running, jumping, climbing, hiding (lol)... and is currently wearing my deoderant. Don't ask, it was either I put it on him properly or I have holes dug into my anti-stink stuff from his fingernails (and I can't guarantee that he wouldn't eat it either).
As for me, I'm doing much much better. I went through a bit of a rough patch. I admit, I was depressed. I wanted to do nothing but sleep (and B is a great excuse btw), I binge ate, I drank soda excessively, and alcohol every night. I didn't get drunk, but anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a drinker. So then Lent started, I gave up caffeine and alcohol. No soda, no coffee, and no booze for me. I'm thinking the booze might be gone for good, because I really don't miss it. Coffee, I miss. Very much. Though I have found a love for blueberry tea. Drizzle a little raw honey into it... mmmmmm bliss
So, yeah back to my little tropical depression. I made a choice. I decided that I needed help, and not of the chemical variety, so I joined Weight Watchers. Online only, I know that I can't commit to a meeting (especially since I don't have a vehicle here at home all the time). I lost 4 lbs the first week, maintained the second, and have lost another pound so far. We'll see on Sunday what this week did for me. So far, its just the kick in the butt that I needed. I actually got up this morning and worked out with Sean. We've been super lazy lately, and not done our morning routine. I'm hoping that this continues because as much as it hurts, it hurts so good.
I'm also starting my studying again today. Fitness and Nutrition, its on!!!
I'm going to lay it all out there
I'm too old for secrets. For drama. For absolute childish behavior.
I will continue to maintain my silence on certain things, and thats out of respect for a good friend. As much as I would love to make myself perfectly cut and dry clear, I'll have to find a way without going against that person's wishes.
So. Starting with the apparently hot topic: ASA
I left ASA because I felt that as a super mod the work and many many hours that I had spent on that site were for naught. I felt like a child having to walk on eggshells, never knowing if I was going to be in trouble.
Things as silly as adding a smiley, and then the next day the permission is gone and no one says why until I ask. So one day its ok, and the next its not? And then when I say something, its magically returned. Hmmm ok. I also left because of an attitude. I am not a child to be parented (and I dare someone to ever try to parent me in my mid-twenties), and I certainly do not take well to lectures. Unless you are a college professor whom I am PAYING to teach me something? Don't try it.
Now, I will say, that these two things specifically happened after I left ASA. However, the attitude has been there for some time. THAT is why I left. The events following simply confirmed my decision.
When asked, I will tell the truth. I am not encouraging a mass exodus; I am not spreading gossip about the site or its owner. To be very clear, I don't care that much. If you choose to stay a member of that site, I have no problems whatsoever. That is your decision, and I will not try to change your mind. I did what I needed to do, for myself, for my family, for my sanity (or whats left anyway)
I will never be a part of another "support site". I won't join one, and I won't create one. I have no intentions of being a part of a large group of specifically military spouses ever again; and yes that includes an FRG. I've survived how many deployments/FEX/schools without one? Yeah. No thanks. Not if I can help it. They can be a wonderful resource if thats your thing, but its not mine anymore.
Lastly, if I deleted you from FB (*gasp*) its because we don't talk. I don't understand why people get so upset over being removed from a silly social networking page, when they don't even talk to its owner! I don't do things out of maliciousness. Please, I don't have the time or the functioning non-sleep deprived brain cells to be malicious. I have a temper, yes. But its a flash in a pan kind of thing. Its instant, and its over. When it comes to Facebook, I have pictures of my family on there, its how I keep in contact with my close family and friends who are all over the world. Its not a popularity contest, and if thats how you see it then I'm really not sorry about having deleted you.
If thats all that you came to my blog for, you can stop reading now. Because the following posts will bore you.
I will continue to maintain my silence on certain things, and thats out of respect for a good friend. As much as I would love to make myself perfectly cut and dry clear, I'll have to find a way without going against that person's wishes.
So. Starting with the apparently hot topic: ASA
I left ASA because I felt that as a super mod the work and many many hours that I had spent on that site were for naught. I felt like a child having to walk on eggshells, never knowing if I was going to be in trouble.
Things as silly as adding a smiley, and then the next day the permission is gone and no one says why until I ask. So one day its ok, and the next its not? And then when I say something, its magically returned. Hmmm ok. I also left because of an attitude. I am not a child to be parented (and I dare someone to ever try to parent me in my mid-twenties), and I certainly do not take well to lectures. Unless you are a college professor whom I am PAYING to teach me something? Don't try it.
Now, I will say, that these two things specifically happened after I left ASA. However, the attitude has been there for some time. THAT is why I left. The events following simply confirmed my decision.
When asked, I will tell the truth. I am not encouraging a mass exodus; I am not spreading gossip about the site or its owner. To be very clear, I don't care that much. If you choose to stay a member of that site, I have no problems whatsoever. That is your decision, and I will not try to change your mind. I did what I needed to do, for myself, for my family, for my sanity (or whats left anyway)
I will never be a part of another "support site". I won't join one, and I won't create one. I have no intentions of being a part of a large group of specifically military spouses ever again; and yes that includes an FRG. I've survived how many deployments/FEX/schools without one? Yeah. No thanks. Not if I can help it. They can be a wonderful resource if thats your thing, but its not mine anymore.
Lastly, if I deleted you from FB (*gasp*) its because we don't talk. I don't understand why people get so upset over being removed from a silly social networking page, when they don't even talk to its owner! I don't do things out of maliciousness. Please, I don't have the time or the functioning non-sleep deprived brain cells to be malicious. I have a temper, yes. But its a flash in a pan kind of thing. Its instant, and its over. When it comes to Facebook, I have pictures of my family on there, its how I keep in contact with my close family and friends who are all over the world. Its not a popularity contest, and if thats how you see it then I'm really not sorry about having deleted you.
If thats all that you came to my blog for, you can stop reading now. Because the following posts will bore you.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
No. More. Drama.
There is a lot of drama floating around right now. Quite frankly, I have enough of my own that I try not to pay attention to other people's drama. My friends know that they can vent to me, and I will be a sounding board and a non judgmental receiver for when they need to get it out. However, do not mistake that for allowing myself to be drug into all of that drama. I stand firmly on the outskirts. If I have a problem with you, or if I feel that there is no need for you to be in my life; I have no contact with you. I'll delete you from Facebook, my cell phone, my blog, what have you. Its not out of maliciousness, its simply because I keep my circle tight and if we aren't friends then why should I keep you around? Whats the point?
On the same token, I want my friends to realize that if they are in my life its for a reason; and I do not judge you based on a Facebook status (or lack thereof). Sure, my friends might drive me a little crazy sometimes. I'm sure I drive them bonkers myself. But please don't sit there and wonder if I'm speaking ill of you, or if my statuses are aimed at you. I'm a rather straight forward person, and I try to make sure that I keep the lines of communication open. If you can't help but wonder, then please ask. Just know that I do not make a habit of making passive agressive statements (on the internet of all places) regarding people that I consider friends.
So. Recap. Key points in this mumbo jumbo?
A) If we are not friends, I will delete you from my life. Its that simple. I don't collect aquaintences and call them friends.
B) I do not address any negative statements on FB towards the people that I consider friends. If you can read the status, then its not about you.
C) If you ever wonder what I think of you, ASK ME. I'll tell you. You might not like what I have to say, but I won't hide it.
On the same token, I want my friends to realize that if they are in my life its for a reason; and I do not judge you based on a Facebook status (or lack thereof). Sure, my friends might drive me a little crazy sometimes. I'm sure I drive them bonkers myself. But please don't sit there and wonder if I'm speaking ill of you, or if my statuses are aimed at you. I'm a rather straight forward person, and I try to make sure that I keep the lines of communication open. If you can't help but wonder, then please ask. Just know that I do not make a habit of making passive agressive statements (on the internet of all places) regarding people that I consider friends.
So. Recap. Key points in this mumbo jumbo?
A) If we are not friends, I will delete you from my life. Its that simple. I don't collect aquaintences and call them friends.
B) I do not address any negative statements on FB towards the people that I consider friends. If you can read the status, then its not about you.
C) If you ever wonder what I think of you, ASK ME. I'll tell you. You might not like what I have to say, but I won't hide it.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
This one's long and complicated
So bare with me.
Yesterday was a very emotionally frustrating day. I discovered a lot of things about myself and about the situations/environments that I put myself in.
First, I realized that my opinion is no longer needed or wanted in certain places, and thats fine. It really is. But I'm not going to stick around where I'm not wanted, and my work is no longer appreciated. Call it growing pains, but I'm over it. I'm not mad (seriously, not mad, upset, or anything), I just don't have time for walking on eggshells. I've invested too much, I've made a lot of friends (some for only a short time, others for life), but I'm done feeling like I have to watch my step. I don't answer to anyone but my God, and I'm done feeling like I'm going to get in trouble for trying to do my job. So I'm good. I'm done.
Second, we lost a couple of guys on Monday from ACB-1. I did not personally know them. Sean did. Not well, but he did know them. The reason this gets to me as much as it does, they died during a field exercise. Something that my husband has done many times. Somehow a water truck rolled, and 2 of them died, one is in the hospital. This whole thing has hit me like a ton of bricks. They don't have to be in the middle of the war for something to happen. Just being in training to go to war can do it. If its their time, I guess its their time.
What this made me realize is that nothing is as important as family. Not support sites, not tv shows, not computer games, not petty drama. I owe my husband and my children my full attention, effort, and energy. If that upsets someone, then so be it. My former boss (and at one time client) called it a BFO moment. "Blinding Flash of the Obvious". She even named her company that. She's a smart lady. Here's to you TB!
Lastly, I'm feeling torn in a million directions. I need to get back to CA to see my family. My kids need to see their grandparents. Even Sean says we need to go back for a visit. But how to do that and still save to buy a house? I feel like I have to choose; do whats in the best interest for my family in the long term, or satisfy this selfish need to see my parents. So now I get to save money like crazy, and hope that somehow its enough to do both. If not, I guess we wait another year for something. Its just really hard to choose.
Yesterday was a very emotionally frustrating day. I discovered a lot of things about myself and about the situations/environments that I put myself in.
First, I realized that my opinion is no longer needed or wanted in certain places, and thats fine. It really is. But I'm not going to stick around where I'm not wanted, and my work is no longer appreciated. Call it growing pains, but I'm over it. I'm not mad (seriously, not mad, upset, or anything), I just don't have time for walking on eggshells. I've invested too much, I've made a lot of friends (some for only a short time, others for life), but I'm done feeling like I have to watch my step. I don't answer to anyone but my God, and I'm done feeling like I'm going to get in trouble for trying to do my job. So I'm good. I'm done.
Second, we lost a couple of guys on Monday from ACB-1. I did not personally know them. Sean did. Not well, but he did know them. The reason this gets to me as much as it does, they died during a field exercise. Something that my husband has done many times. Somehow a water truck rolled, and 2 of them died, one is in the hospital. This whole thing has hit me like a ton of bricks. They don't have to be in the middle of the war for something to happen. Just being in training to go to war can do it. If its their time, I guess its their time.
What this made me realize is that nothing is as important as family. Not support sites, not tv shows, not computer games, not petty drama. I owe my husband and my children my full attention, effort, and energy. If that upsets someone, then so be it. My former boss (and at one time client) called it a BFO moment. "Blinding Flash of the Obvious". She even named her company that. She's a smart lady. Here's to you TB!
Lastly, I'm feeling torn in a million directions. I need to get back to CA to see my family. My kids need to see their grandparents. Even Sean says we need to go back for a visit. But how to do that and still save to buy a house? I feel like I have to choose; do whats in the best interest for my family in the long term, or satisfy this selfish need to see my parents. So now I get to save money like crazy, and hope that somehow its enough to do both. If not, I guess we wait another year for something. Its just really hard to choose.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Much better already
Yesterday just started off on the wrong foot. I can't explain it, but I pretty much knew from the get go that something was going to blow. That something was probably going to be the cap that I hold loosely over my temper. The things that I was ranting about in yesterday's blog; yes they irk me regularly. But I'm usually able to bottle up my feelings about them, and then let them go with the bath water. Not my life, and there's a nifty little "hide" button on Facebook. Yesterday... yeah.
I ended the day by yelling and then pleading with Sean's mom to please stand up for herself and for her children. She's allowing her second youngest daughter to stay in her home with her 30 year old boyfriend. Yes I think he's a pedophile. He's been "with" her since she was 16. Story is, he drinks profusely, and recently had his hands on their mother. I don't care if its just a "pat on the rear" its inappropriate and not something that a) Julie should put up with, or b) something that the younger kids need to be exposed to.
It goes without saying that had Siobhan been my daughter, I would have taken the risk of losing any "friendship" or positive relationship with her, in order to make sure that I did my damn best to ensure her safety. That would have involved refusing to allow her to date or be with men who are twice her age. If he really loved her, he would have waited until she was 18 and legal. But I digress. Siobhan has made her bed, and now she can sleep in it. I really hope she doesn't end up hurt. I really really do. But now this man is in the home with the younger kids, and thats just not kosher. That is Julie's home that she built with Larry for their family; she doesn't need nor deserve to be made uncomfortable by this man. I really don't think Larry would appreciate his wife or his house being disrespected.
That situation aside, I'm really looking forward to a relaxing weekend. Celebrating Mardi Gras a few days early with the Sanson clan, and then starting Lent early on Monday. Yes, I know it technically starts on Wed, but since I'm already being a bad Catholic and not taking my kids to church on Ash Wednesday... I don't think God is going to mind if I start my period of reflection, sacrifice, and inward cleansing a few days early.
The vices that I'm tackling this year? Caffeine (as in coffee and soda) and alcohol. They are doing a number on me both inside and out, and I know I'm going to need some divine intervention to help me succeed. I want to be healthy for my kids, for my husband, and for myself. I have this feeling that I'm ultimately putting myself into an early jittery grave with the amount of coffee I consume on a daily basis. Easily a pot a day. No bueno!
I ended the day by yelling and then pleading with Sean's mom to please stand up for herself and for her children. She's allowing her second youngest daughter to stay in her home with her 30 year old boyfriend. Yes I think he's a pedophile. He's been "with" her since she was 16. Story is, he drinks profusely, and recently had his hands on their mother. I don't care if its just a "pat on the rear" its inappropriate and not something that a) Julie should put up with, or b) something that the younger kids need to be exposed to.
It goes without saying that had Siobhan been my daughter, I would have taken the risk of losing any "friendship" or positive relationship with her, in order to make sure that I did my damn best to ensure her safety. That would have involved refusing to allow her to date or be with men who are twice her age. If he really loved her, he would have waited until she was 18 and legal. But I digress. Siobhan has made her bed, and now she can sleep in it. I really hope she doesn't end up hurt. I really really do. But now this man is in the home with the younger kids, and thats just not kosher. That is Julie's home that she built with Larry for their family; she doesn't need nor deserve to be made uncomfortable by this man. I really don't think Larry would appreciate his wife or his house being disrespected.
That situation aside, I'm really looking forward to a relaxing weekend. Celebrating Mardi Gras a few days early with the Sanson clan, and then starting Lent early on Monday. Yes, I know it technically starts on Wed, but since I'm already being a bad Catholic and not taking my kids to church on Ash Wednesday... I don't think God is going to mind if I start my period of reflection, sacrifice, and inward cleansing a few days early.
The vices that I'm tackling this year? Caffeine (as in coffee and soda) and alcohol. They are doing a number on me both inside and out, and I know I'm going to need some divine intervention to help me succeed. I want to be healthy for my kids, for my husband, and for myself. I have this feeling that I'm ultimately putting myself into an early jittery grave with the amount of coffee I consume on a daily basis. Easily a pot a day. No bueno!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)