A true "blue" Christmas

I admit that I've been a tad bit depressed lately; what with it being Brigid's first Christmas, and our second Christmas away from my family. Its been a year and almost 2 months since we left, and the lack of deployment has been a double edged sword. On the one hand, having my best friend home with us instead of deployed is the greatest gift I've ever received. On the other, it meant delaying our trip back to CA for at least a few months. My heart breaks a little every time I think about my mom watching my kids grow up via pictures and sketchy Skype sessions. Every time I look at my daughter and think of all the emotions that my mom must have had while raising me, it makes me cry knowing that she hasn't even been able to meet Brigid. Hold her. Love on her. See those gorgeously sloppy baby grins.
I admit that having been sad, I take things way more personally than I probably should. Comments about pictures being blurry, or a little boy running around naked. Rationally I know that they are probably in jest, and nothing to take offense to; but it gets under my skin after a while. I don't say anything because of the above rationalization.
A third admission, is that I truly have an amazing husband who loves me and would do anything to protect me and make me happy. I was sad this morning, and he stood up for me. Not everyone can say the same about their spouse.

I am sad though, that the situation happened at all, and that in essence I ruined Christmas for my entire family. Mom, I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I am truly sorry for this morning. I'm not sorry that Sean stood up for me, I'm sorry that he felt the need to. I hope that you, dad, and the kids were able to salvage some of your day.
I'm sorry for my family as well, for having to put up with me before and after this whole thing happened.
As for me, I'm done. Done with today, done with a lot of things.

I know these things for sure:
I love my husband (and he loves me back)
I love my kids (and they love me as long as I feed them ;-) )
I love my mom (and dad and sibs).

Peace.